You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone

Adrenal Glands. Honestly, before I became ill I had next to no idea that these things even existed inside my body. I suppose I must have once wondered where adrenalin came from but, in that slightly arrogant manner of the healthy and well I put it down to 'these things just work like magic'. I remember what it felt like when I was 'well', that sense of having inexhaustible energy supplies, when I could run full-pelt and have a busy day, stay up late and then just sleep for a few hours before doing it all over again.

Those days are gone! Replaced with remembering to take medications on time and with food whilst managing food allergies I never had before, pacing myself so that I don't crash every evening at 6pm, being mindful of my stress levels and not 'overdoing it' too much to conserve my strength and popping painkillers to deal with the muscle aches. A good day for me now consists of: remembering to take my medication, taking it on time, not experiencing too many side effects of chronic fatigue and getting some decent sleep. Now perhaps a life of lounging on the sofa and early nights doesn't sound too bad - if you are of a certain age - but bearing in mind that I was diagnosed with Addison's Disease at 24 you can imagine the period of shock and readjustment. 

At 24 I was on the periphery of beginning a career having just graduated from University and living independently for the first time. At 24 I was in the process of deciding 'what next', whether to save some money and take time out to travel -having never had a Gap year- or to enter vocational training or to apply for a Masters course. In some ways these plans were put on hold by the sudden appearance of an illness I'd never heard of, in other ways I've managed to do more in spite of my circumstances. But it has been tough. Sure, I've worked hard, met some brilliant (and some less helpful) people, socialised until the early hours, travelled for work, been abseiling, survived surgery... but the fear of 'what if it all goes wrong and I end up in a coma' is always there and the cost to my body has been something that I really haven't considered enough.

Now I'm 30 and I think that it is only now that I am beginning to grasp what this change has meant and still means for my life as I navigate towards the future hurdles of having kids and avoiding additional health problems like diabetes.

One positive is that my body and I aren't at war any more. It may frustrate me when it refuses to be predictable or controlled, it may frighten me when the disease hits from nowhere but, it is the only one I have and despite its quirks I think the human body is a beautiful and marvellous thing. It is just a shame that it takes something so fundamental to stop working before we notice.