Ok so I'm just going to get this little rant out of my system.. RE: the film The Covenant, don't watch it, NOT EVER!
.. unless you are the kind of girl who is drawn to a film purely on the basis that some of the male cast members are quote unquote 'cute'.
I sat down in front of the TV, dvd case in hand, ready for a few supernatural thrills of an evening but alas it was not to be!
After sitting through a very painful hour and a half (which I'll never see again and wish instead that I had used the time more wisely.. perhaps to have some route canal surgery or clean my kitchen floor - something that currently lookes a mite more scary than this film) I was just left with an interesting feeling.. it was a combination of complete indifference to the characters portrayed, mixed with a little bit of boredom and more than both of these a burning RAGE.
Because, as I sat willing the dodgy plot premise ('cute', male witches coming into certain 'powers' upon turning eighteen) and special effects along I was struck by the complete absence of any strong female characters. In fact in the entire film there are only three women (apart from the scantily clad ones shown en-masse in background shots and at frat parties.)
Now I know that when I selected this fine dvd from the vast selection offered up by my local Asda the £5.00 special offer should have been a giveaway. But I'm a huge fan of teen based horror (it's the only kind I can comfortably sit through without wrecking my pants) like The Craft so I thought The Covenant might be entertaining, or if not at least amusing. But the rage began around the time that the first lead girl was despatched as a plot devise (bitten by hundreds of spiders - nice!) and the second was set up to be something of note but then just became our damsel in distress.
After forty five minutes of watching mildly attractive boys making cars fly and 'zapping' each other in alley ways I was intriguided by Sarah (Laura Ramsey) who was the new girl in town, with a crush on lead boy Caleb (Steven Strait) and I secretly hoped was imbued with some kind of awesome power that would then save the day.
As the boys struggled with one another, fighting for ultimate power (or something) Sarah was used as a trap floating ethereally in a barn just yards from danger. I moved closer to my TV screen thinking with all my might "Come on Sarah.. Come on!" willing her to be something cool, something empowering, anything interesting other than token damsel. As things wore on to the final fight scene (more zapping) I was in disbelief at both the awfulness of the film and the complete lack of any female power within it. When the final credits rolled I sat defeated looking at the dvd case as if for answers - Sarah had been (predictably) rescued by good witch Caleb and they were on to their way to a happy ever after.. which probably involved more female nudity and frat parties.
I mean come on! Haven't we progressed beyond this kind of drivel by now? Is it just me who wants to see a spunky female character thrown into the mix who does some magic of her own? If she could have wiped out the entire male cast it would have at least been entertaining!
Aside from Sarah the only other women presented were Caleb's mother, an alcoholic and therefore self-indulgent and ineffective and 'spider-bite' girl, who it seems was primarily despatched because she was kind of a slut. interesting.
So there we go, lesson learned. Next time a pseudo supernatural teen horror beckons me from the bargain bin I'll just keep walking. Maybe I'll go home and re-watch The Craft instead.
You can read my review of The Craft here:
http://www.cutoutandkeep.net/snippets/issue7/spooky_movie
